Monday, September 29, 2008

When I feel it

The big debate.  Do I stay here for 1 year or two?  I've thought for the past week or so, definitely two,  I could kick it here and visit Kyoto and just take it all in.  But when I announced the news to my father via email last night, I couldn't sleep.  I had an anxiety attack instead.  What would I do my second year?  The first year is all planned out.  Thailand for Christmas, India for spring break, see some family in the summer...then...stay and save money?  I could make $4800 of "free" money if I just take my checks and put them in the bank (cough)pay back my credit cards.

But I just couldn't see what I would do the second year.  Stay here, teach and ....live?

I guess the big question (to the "big" debate) is why not?  Immediately there are about 5 faces squishing their way through my brain, almost out of my eyeballs and onto my lap.

Mom, Katie, Kara, Dad and Gabby.

And then, Josie and Alice my cats.  And then my developing furniture company Kiss my Sass.  And my career, whatever that means.

So what would I do if I got home next year?  Traveled, saw the world and moved home?

What would happen if I stayed here another year and then moved home?  The answer I suppose lies in, what's next?  Originally, I thought the answer was in the question...am I one of those people that lives close to home her (relatively) whole life or can I separate and find a home afar?  Plug for Skype - if I didn't have it I would be home right now.  

What's next.  Brett Dennon is in the background and he says, "when you feel it you know".  Talk about timing.  I think I will marinate on that for the day...maybe a bit longer and, when I feel it, I'll know.




2 comments:

kara said...

Kyla you've been there for two months!!! take a breath and stop planning! Take in the experience and if it turns out maybe in march or april you feel like you haven't soild your royal oats (i have no clue what they really say there but you get it and will laugh) then choose! But stop making a plan to make a plan- just have fun cause look around you are living in Japan- and that my friend is cool! love you!

howlr99 said...

Kyla, you will learn to do what YOU need to do. Stop worrying about what you think anyone else wants you to do. You can do anything, girl. When you can get comfortable with that I think you will feel so much better. I will love you no matter what you do. Find the fun in your life and remember YOU make your own fun. Enjoy the adventure!