Thursday, November 19, 2009

Amelie

failure is human destiny.

failure teaches us that life is but a draft...a long rehearsal for a show that will never play. - amelie

a man who knows proverbs can't be all bad.

one swallow doesn't make...a summer
practice makes....perfect
curiosity....killed the cat
haste....makes waste
rolling stone....gathers no moss
it's a sin....to steal a pin

absence makes....the heart grow fonder

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

star potatoes


The strangest (okay, not the strangest) thing happened yesterday. My lunch was served with star shaped kerage (its like a potato knish). I thought..."oh, how cute. It's Japan. They made stars out of my potato." But then I noticed that in my soup - they had cut the meat into star shapes as well. Hmmm? Well, I guess it's a set meal. But then upon opening my yogurt container, sitting inside were 2 pieces of pineapple cut out in the shape of stars as well.

It was a Wednesday.

I had a sneaking suspicion I was missing out on something.

I asked one of my favorite teachers, "what's with the stars" and she told me it was Tanabata. "Oh. Right.... What does that mean?" She explained...

It is a Chinese story that (apparently) everyone celebrates. A long time ago, there was a princess, Orihime (hime means princess) and a man named Hikoboshi (boshi means star). And they loved each other. The King, Orihime's father, would not allow them to be together. Somehow the young lovers were separated by a river (and I'm guessing a curse). But! On the seventh of July, if it is a sunny clear day, the two can cross the river and reunite. But if it is a cloudy rainy day, the two will remain separated until another chance comes the next year.

So, on the seventh of July, the story goes...Orihime and Hikoboshi are two stars in the sky. And, if it's a rainy, cloudy evening the two stars will not be able to cross the river (or milky way) and meet. But if it is a clear evening sky the two stars will be reunited.

I LOVE a good fairytale. This one is no exception. However, I was also told that July 7th it almost always rains. So I wonder if this fairytale is actually some sort of fable, telling children that most of the time, it won't work out if you try to love outside your "class" (be it age or income or any restriction your culture puts on love). But, the magic within this story is that, every once and awhile, it's a sunny day and the two lovers will be reunited. There is hope. Hope and stars.

This kinda takes the whole, you are what you eat thing, a bit far. But I like it. Oishii!

Monday, July 6, 2009

spiderwebs and black underwear

Such an interesting day so far. Sheesh.

My Aunt Martha finally responded to a quaint email with a simple photo attached. Her response in a nutshell : you’re the ONLY person missing your (favorite) cousin's wedding and hope you don’t regret your decision to return to a jobless, shitty economy. Can’t wait till you’re home.

Fuck.

Then last night I got online to pay my credit card bills which I have been SLAVING over to pay off…and on one credit card they jacked up my APR by 17% and then on my other card threw in about $200 extra in debt. WTF. Don’t panic. I called them today and got the f*ckers to a)reduce my APR back down to 10% and they are reimbursing me about $100 for their mistake HA! b) explain where all the charges came from (skype) and lower my APR.

I wonder why my chest seems to be collapsing in on itself today?

To add insult to injury, the world is throwing every single person in this world that makes me feel inferior at me all at once. Okay, so I feel like a pretty secure person, but there are a few people out there that I haven’t fully sorted out yet. 1) My ex boyfriend. After a 2 year, of what I would call an emotionally abusive/draining, relationship and 4 years since, I still get hung up every time he wants to facebook friend me. I think I have denied him 5 or 6 times this year – succumbed once, only to cancel it seconds later. This time he sent a message attached…”why is it so hard for us to be friends?”. Um…because of all the times you told me or showed me that I wasn’t worthy of your time or love….how bout that? About 3 months ago I sent him a pretty straight forward message explaining that though he is adorable and witty he mostly just annoys the shit out of me and that I would rather him not be in my everyday mind and vice versa. If he had something important to say, my gmail was always available to him. His constant requests to facebook me implies a sense of disrespect for my wishes and just goes to show I am dealing with a petulant child who just wants his way. He wants his toys but only to throw them on the floor and forget about them. Well I wipe my hands clean of this!
2) Good ole college competition. Why can’t I get past feeling so incredibly inferior to this one girl from college? Her and I were toe to toe on our projects and yet, she is an interior designer, married with child and I am….just trying to figure out where I put my head in 2004. Her face appears all over my facebook reminding me of these old tender memories. Hence why it would be gravely unwise to add an ex with such flagrance for fairweatherness.
3)Salt to the wound…upon doing some emotional cutting (facebook photo stalking of said college competition) I came across a picture that she was tagged in. I tried to see if I could recognize anyone else in the photo and low and behold there was a girl who I fell out of friendship with. Not just fell like lost touch, fell as in was ousted and ousted right back. This girl and I were good friends in school until it became apparent the only reason why we were friends was because of her interest in my then boyfriend now ex boyfriend who won’t stop stalking me on facebook. I don’t have that many friends that I have stopped being friends with but she is one of them. Maybe the only one I can think of off the top of my head. And I can’t help but wonder…why? Why are there relationships that cannot be reconciled? Why are there people that you just don’t get along with? I know it takes all kinds but if you were friends at one time…how does that change?

And more important how did I end up in this triangle of funk? Talk about walking through spiderwebs.

My coworker is wearing black underwear under his light linen pants. I just shake my head.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Michael Jackson died.

I think death is overwhelmingly sad. Mostly because life is so beautiful. But then I remembered all the sorted things that Michael Jackson was involved with and wondered how I should feel about his death. It was weird to have that reaction but I think death makes me realize how insignificant certain things are - I mean he's DEAD.

Granted all those things he did to the children and being a weirdo and everything - does that make his death something a little less that we should mourn? It all plays into this same issues everyone was faced when he was charged with molesting kids....does his star power and the music he gave to the world forgive him of his abuse?

Its all sorted and weird but I feel sad about it. Its MICHAEL FUCKING JACKSON. Weird or not weird, he was at least alive to have an opinion about and now he's DEAD.

Okay...I realize I am getting a little worked up but I just needed to say a few things. I don't like having to grieve silently and singularly.

And further more...everytime I leave the country, someone famous dies....first trip to Europe, Berry White, third trip with Katie - come back, Anna Nicole Smith then son. Now - Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and MICHAEL JACKSON! This last one is going to take a little while to figure out.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

In the land of the technologically advanced, dust-off still wows.

Am I really in the land of the technologically advanced?

My co-worker/desk neighbor, just pulled out a can of "dust-off" and sprayed the canned air over his keyboard to clean it. I, along with many a people, have done this to clean the dusk and grit off our computers. Granted, in a quiet office the noise can be startling at most, but the reaction to simple cleaning was incredible. It drew in 3 people, with "ooohhhs" and "aaahhhhs" trying to figure out what he was doing and what that spray could be.

If you have ever used this magical air-spray, maybe you'll know how fun and theraputic it can feel to intensely clean your keyboard so quickly. So I give a simple side nod to how exciting it can be, but these people were acting as if he had pulled out a magic wand and turned his computer into gold.

My neighbor was delighted with the inquiries and simply explained (in Japanese of course - which I was surprised I could understand) "This is good stuff".

I had it in mind to ask to use some, but we're not that well acquainted and I was happy enough to know that it existed in this part of the country.

After spending 10 months (wow almost 11) in this country, I am beginning to wonder if their reaction was genuine or a polite staged act to respond to something with an attention getting volume. Or maybe that is just what I am hoping. Otherwise, this act is one of many reminding me, I live in a really small town in Japan.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

quotation marks and merry go rounds

She said..."we have no mailing system here."

Right.

I wanted to know when we find out who the next ALT is. (I can hear her talking about the new ALT or me because I keep hearing her say ALT and August to the other teachers.) She says, "On Friday we will know, today." (Today is Monday). Ooo-kay.

"So, then we find out today?" I ask.

"We have no mailing system here." Was her response. "So and So was going to send the form to the City Building today, but because we have no mail system we have to wait until someone has mail."

"What?" (I am trying to stay polite and smile but lately I am just aggetated and restrained).

"We cannot find out who it is until we have the form and it is at the city building, we are too busy to go and get the form so when we have mail we can get the form from the city building." She "explains".

"Ah. So, where is the city building?" I ask, imagining perhaps this explainable delay is due to distance....

"Adogawa."

"Oh" I spit out trying to cover up tones and expressions of annoyance. Adogawa is one town away. Perhaps a 7 minute drive, certainly a 10 minute train ride.

I realize this is why it took them so long to tell me where I was going when I came to Japan. Perhaps they don't realize that the person who is getting ready to leave their home in America and travel to Japan is just waiting to find out this information. Perhaps this information will bring them comfort and ease while they are in the midst of saying goodbye to people they love and will not be seeing, some for a year or more. But, the city building is a town away and they don't have a "mailing system".

I was "reassured" that they can check mail on the internet but until they have the actual form they won't know. I find that interesting and slightly less reassuring, considering this information is coming from someone who - after telling me they would email my predecessor to ask for assistance in a matter regarding my home - a week later told me, they were glad I handled the situation on my own because they don't know how to use email.

So, round and round this ALT goes, sitting atop her trusty souless stead, going through the motions and yet going nowhere but in a circle. And all the while, I do this for fun :)

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Golden Week Tokyo photos....

 
These pictures are backwards in order but oh well....Here is me at the fish market..they cut these giant frozen creatures with a jigsaw! (sorry I look like crap..this is AFTER the all nighter dancing in Tokyo...here it's 6:30am)

My and Mary's Tokyo outfits!

Jesus and Buddha hang out.  (this is a comic here in Japan but this is a billboard of the comic)

Waiting to get to Harajuku...we got off the train but now we have to figure out how to get out of the train station!

This is a famous shrine KAMINARIMON (The Thunder Gate) is the main entrance of Senso-ji / Asakusa Kannon.

Me entering the shrine...this is Day 2 of 3.

First night in Tokyo we hit Shibuya (that famous cross walk in Lost in Translation!!)
When in Aladdin's neighborhood...ride the camels!  Be careful, they spit.

Entering Disney Sea, right off the overnight bus!


First thing...get the EARS!  Me and Mary.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Coming home to America!

So, I am getting ready to come home to America. Wow, I can hardly believe it has been nearly 10 months! Here is what is going on in my brain about returning....

I have changed.

I had this epiphany when I returned from my trip in Tokyo (remind me to tell you about Tokyo - yikes!) I realized that I have been trying so hard to not let anything change between me and my friends in the states, or me and my family, for fear of what would happen when I returned. But it's too late and nothing I can control. I have changed and when I come home, everything will be the same.

Well, for the most part. I know what Portland looks like and where most things are. I know what my family is like and what they are doing and how they do it and where I fit in. I know what people are thinking (for the most part, societally at best). And though it will be exciting and thrilling to be apart of that same machine again, it will be the same machine I have always known.

Believe me, I'm READY to come home. But a part of me lives here now. I have put some roots down in Japan and it will be hard to say goodbye. Goodbye to not knowing what others are really saying, goodbye to not knowing what I'm really eating (and definitely not knowing how to say what it is). Goodbye to being the only white person on the train. Goodbye to everyone staring at me. Goodbye to never knowing what the weather will be like, if it will go from a balmy 70 degrees to a rainy wind storm for 5 minutes (okay so that sounds a little bit like Portland, but its different because it's Japan). Goodbye to school lunches and looking around before eating to see HOW to eat my lunch. Goodbye to my group of ALT buddies who have all asked the same questions, "WTF" and "OMG". And I'll miss it all.

I have 2 more months to enjoy it and you better believe I relish everyday and the daily routine of naivety and ignorance that comes with it. I have a touch rugby tournament at the end of the month (We are 'Fistful of Funazushi' watch out). I have a Cowboys and Indian Theme party at my house June 13th...wait for the photos. And in July I have the Kyoto Matsuri, where I get to wear my Yukata (a thin kimono type wrap) and drink in the closed off streets of Sanjo...AND a trip to Okinawa! And BAM, just like that I'll be on a flight home.

I can't wait to see everyone again, especially my little nephews who ask if I can come home that weekend, every time I talk to them. But until then, stay tuned and keep checking out my pics on facebook....I'll try to post some on here when I get home. (I usually do all my posts on the computer at school, so I don't have any photos...) Sorry.

Wait for it...

Falling sleep at Grandma's.

Last night I couldn't sleep. I couldn't figure out why, it may have had something to do with the frogs thriving in every rice field for miles or the fact I just sat on my "couch" and watched Sex and the City all day. Either way, I didn't want my coworkers telling me I looked tired for the third day in a row so I was in bed by 10:38, eyes closed.

I began to slow my breathing and on every exhale I would think, relax. This works, I'm told. So about 10 relaxes later I started to count down from 10. This started working until I realized I was concentrating too much and then my mind went into a flurry of other thoughts. 'Reel em in, Kyla,' is what I told myself and started to count backwards from 10 again, determined to fall into a deep, restful, no puffy eyes tomorrow, sleep. I remembered the tapes my mom used to put in for my sisters and I that would talk us into sleep. (I need to find those tapes.) A man would talk to us about relaxing and being on a cloud and all that. And it worked every time. So I tried to imagine his voice and then thought, since I am so far away I would channel some family member's voice. Of course, I thought of my Grandma Alice. But, when I "pushed the play button" the tape stopped. I had to recollect my memories of her voice. I was jarred to say the least and I heaved the memory of her voice back into my brain with all my strength and finally after flipping through afternoons at her house in her kitchen, her voice returned and so did she.

She said to me, "So you want me to count down from 10 huh?" With all her sass. "Yes please." "Alright, but you better fall asleep I'm only going to do it once." She told me. "Alright," I smiled. Her voice was soothing though her tone was impatient. She would never let on that she was actually enjoying herself. When she got to 5, as before, my mind started to drift into other memories, but her voice caught me when she said, "listen, I'm not going to count if you're not going to pay attention. Now close your eyes and listen."

I realize that all her words were my words in my mind. But it was her voice that played and I was happy to be in its presence. Soon she got to 1 and of course I wasn't asleep. But she didn't mind. She said she'd count one more time, but this time was it. And as she counted me to sleep I remembered all the nights I would run over to her house, mad at my mother, or just worried that my Grandma was lonely, and curl up under the covers in her King size bed to sleep. She would be awake until 2:00 or 3:00 reading her love stories anyway. I would say hello and that I was sleeping there and that was it. She would keep on reading. Sometimes she would extend her arm to rub my back for a second. Sometimes I would extend my arms and tuck it under her hip just so I could be touching her. "You're alright kid." she would say without looking away from her book. I remembered in the morning, rubbing 'the blue stuff' on her back and shoulders, her skin soft over her robust body.

She was the best woman I've ever met. Her tone was her trademark. She was always ready to help but she would never suggest it was her pleasure to serve. She would visit an elderly woman who lived alone down the street and buy the eggs the woman was selling there to help her out. Eventually she would run errands for the woman, bringing her groceries, picking up prescriptions. My Grandma enjoyed the simple things like feeding "her" birds and the other animals who lived around her property. And she was always stylish when making public appearances. Her hair was did and her large, extravagant cars would sail down the highways. Nothing but the best for her. She believed in hard work and family.

In Japan, they honor their relatives who have past away on a regular basis. They celebrate the anniversary of their deaths together as a family and pray in front of an alter to them, some daily. We drink Margaritas for Grandma Alice on her birthday, but it has been too long since we've all been able to get together and remember her. The last time my Mom and sisters did this was the first year after her death. It has been almost 4 years now. Wow. But last night we visited. And eventually after dilly dallying through memories and holding her voice at the forefront my mind through conversations with my grandma, I fell asleep, and she was there.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Cultural reflections

At Satoko's Bamboo shoots party, I was there with a gaggle of people from all different cultures. Of course there were Japanese people, there were also people from Brazil and there were people from America too. Some Japanese people could speak English, some Portuguese people could speak Japanese, some Americans could speak Japanese and some Americans (such as myself) could speak English. Being able to speak another language opens up so many doors into new ways of thinking. During this cultural schmorgues board it was explained to me that in Japan they prefer people to have long legs and short bodies. However, in Brazil, their desired look is short legs and long bodies. These are rare among their own ethnic backgrounds. The man who was telling me this said, these are the reasons why he was perfect for his wife, she is Brazilian - and he is Japanese (short legs and a long body!)

I started thinking today about these cultural interests and how they transcend into other cultural aesthetics. Buildings, furniture, art, city planning, all of these tastes are reflected. I see how South American design is long shapes and with soft textiles - almost as if their furniture were the long torsos that appeal to them. And Japanese design is asymetrical and sleek using more natural fibers and recycled materials that could represent their taste for length, endurance, movement as they prefer in their physical appearance. As I have said before, culture is a machine that functions when using all its parts - personal aesthetic included.

So how does America fit into this? We like what? Long legs, long bodies, big butts, big chests, strong, healthy, tone? Can you see how our personal aesthetics transcend into our architecture and material culture?

Sunday, April 26, 2009

So many things on a Monday

Good Morning!
Today, from the window of my ichi nen sei classroom, I watched an old tracker dredge through a flooded and muddy rice field. Back and forth it pushed and leveled the earth. A small grouping of birds danced and jumped never more than 10 feet in front of the heavy machine, rejoicing for the bugs that had freshly emerged.
The rice fields are really quite breath taking when they are all flooded. It looks like pieces of the sky have been strategically stretched out across the ground.
Good Afternoon!
I was waiting for the bell to ring so I could eat my curry rice. It had been sitting on my desk for almost 15 minutes already. The smell was reminding me of just how hungry I get when I miss breakfast. The bell rings and I still wait at least 5 minutes. Being the first person to eat, if committed to such actions, must be done with skill and a sense of calculated nonchalance. I pull my tray close to me and pour the curry contents on to my rice. I grab my cold metal spoon, which feels like a soulless utensil after using chopsticks day in and day out and begin to dig in. Mmmmm, curry rice. Curry rice and... ABBA? Yes. Today's lunch music is ABBA. The ABBA gold album. Me, curry rice, my spoon and ABBA. (I also got to drink my yogurt out of a miniature looking plastic milk container. Japan happens.
Good evening!
I also put together what those small little wooden plates were for in my cupboard. They go under my ceramic tea cups when I serve them. I have seen this done for some time now and just put it together when the Kyoto sensei served me tea, mid meeting at the Elementary school.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Grandpa Willy

I finally called my Grandpa Willy this morning. Time is tricky when trying to call long distance, and bless my mother for waking me up this morning! So I had some time to chat with good ole' Grandpa Willy. He has been in an assisted living facility for some time now (almost a year) and its just not the same without hearing some of his stories every now and again. I savor every second talking to that man because he is a huge key to my childhood and an amazing key hole into the past.

This morning he answered the phone as if we've spoken everyday since I left. His nonchalance chipperness is sentimental and warming. We both say 'Hello, How are you', at the same time and I ask how life is treating him. He sounds winded a bit and explains that he just got home. My Uncle Bill had just drug him around town, took him to "the" house (his house, that sits empty on water street that was once filled with his family and then his family's families and the setting for more holidays than I can remember.) But he got tired and just had to come back. He told me he was just laying in his chair.

I can see his soft balding head reclining on the heavy textile covering his recliner, both arms resting perfectly on both arm rests, hands fidgeting now and again, his suspenders clipped to his jeans laying over his grandpa belly and his skinny wee legs, who have done their darndest to get him through the last 82 years, supported and relaxing, stretched out in front of him. He may or may not be wearing his romeo shoes, perhaps some slippers but definitely some white tube socks. My guess is, its time to watch COPS. He loves that show. But I am grateful for his attention for a minute to discuss just a few moments of current events followed by old stories of the war, repeated at least once.

He tells me people are starting to call him a Hippie because his hair is getting so long. For a retired Barber - this is bad news. He says my Uncle Bill will take him to get it cut on Thursday. His intonation during this conversation is rascally. He gets a little wound up about being called a hippie but all in good spirit. I ask how his new home is treating him and he tells me "(Eve?), does a good job running the place", as if Eve and I were old high school friends. He says the kids come to visit which he really likes and I'm glad he isn't left alone too long.

When I begin to mention Japan that's when the war stories start.

"Things sure are different out here in Japan, Grandpa", I tell him. "Oh I bet they sure are. I remember when I was stationed in China I had a man fly in from Japan, and he came in asking for oil, water and ... and... dang it I can't remember the third thing, he wanted three things, but I sure found all 3 of them for him so he could get back to Japan."

"He had one of those big planes that could make the jump, we had to fly up the valley. We only had 1,000 horses, and his plane had 1,800."

"But my plane sure was dependable. Some guys were always bringing their planes in fixing the engines, needing new parts."

"I remember taking in a bunch of Japanese prisoners of war". He says this with as much intonation as everything else he has says.

"Wait, what?" I ask. I lean closer to the key hole to get a better look of what is going on inside.

"A bunch of them Japanese wanted to surrender, so we took em back to the camp, had them set up their camps and whatnot. We took all their firearms and cameras. Boy there were piles of them cameras and samurai swords and firearms. Them people from the newspaper sure were upset, those were great cameras. Those Japanese do know how to make great cameras...and, oh.. Willy find it... Binoculars, they had some great binoculars!"

"Then we took them up and put them in box cars, made them stand up and sent them back to the ships that would take them back to Japan." "Like on a train? You made them get in a train box car?" I asked. "Ya, the ones that came up waist high. We put them in the closed ones and people would be pooping in there. So with a half one they could lean their butts over and poop."

And as he is explaining all of this my mind is attempting to comprehend that reality. To put people onto a box car and to deal with their humanity from a soldiers perspective. To fly a plane and put your life at risk every moment. To learn about new cultures through the possessions you have confiscated from the very people trying to harm you. And the whole process of surrendering...in war. This is such a vivid vision of his life in the war, especially for 7:30 in the morning, but my heart is filled with my grandfather's voice.

I mention that I got a new batch of kids at school and they are a lot of fun to teach. He chimes in with, "Ah that is what your Uncle Bill and Aunt Martha did, teaching kids in foreign countries." This is something we have all known for about the last 20 years. Both my Aunt and Uncle are now retired.

"That's right" I add. "I am going to try to make it down to Okinawa to see it before I come home," "That's where your Uncle Bill and Aunt Martha used to live" he interjects. I follow with, "ya, I want to see where they lived before I come home."

"Well soon you'll get some time off to travel." he adds.

Shortly after we both drift into the second rendition of the first story he tells me of the war. "I remember when I was stationed in China I had a man fly in from Japan, and he came in asking for oil, water and ... and... dang it I just can't remember the third thing, he wanted three things, but I sure found all 3 of them for him so he could get back to Japan." I wonder if it matters to him whether I listen or not, it doesn't appear to, but I do all the same because sharing these stories between us is my gift from him. "That's good Grandpa, I bet you did."

Every once in a while I will say something and his response seems genuine and intrigued and I am happily surprised for his presence. I told him I was going to be car-less when I get home, but I will figure out how to come visit him. He sympathized by explaining, "You will have time to go through and pick out the right one for you. Just make sure you talk them down. (The way they price those cars) they think they're made of GOLD!". I smiled from ear to ear. He is a clever man.

I responded with, (when shopping for a car) "you don't take No for an answer", he laughed from his belly, "that's right" he said.

These are the conversations that are like gold to me.

Every time I talk to him I realize more and more how precious this life is. We only live it once and all too soon we will be faced with the reality of old age. I think about his life and how I often forget that this grandpa who lived in Silverton, Oregon for 60 years used to fly planes from China over Asia, dropping bombs and avoiding bullets. How he traveled across the United States in his childhood and survived the depression, dropping out of 6th grade to get a job to buy food for his family. He is just one person, like any other, but there is one thing very special about him, he is my Grandpa Willy.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

serendipity hardly seems like the right word.

This is what I love about life. It's unpredictable and eventually it all comes back around.

Spur of the moment I IM an old fling from New York who I happened to meet a wedding I went to spur of the moment in Portland. I ended up spending a rocky weekend (or as he would call it, "a long second date") with him in New York. Today during our IM he tells me the bride now lives just down the street from him in Brooklyn. And the she is now divorced. And despite their union ending, I am still talking to my acquaintance, whirl wind, weekend love affair almost 4 years later.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Family introduces me to Japan

(sorry kara - pictures will come soon).

My family has come and gone. What a great time we had. I think it was best put by Alex the Lion in Madagascar 2 who said, "It gets funner the farther away we get". Fact. We had our ups and downs but all that said and done, it was quality family time. WE ROCKED JAPAN for heavens sake! I think the most important part for me was being able to see how we've changed (and how we haven't). I have been waiting for a glimpse of home since I got here and having my mom and Katie here has helped me to see myself. I remembered how much I love to dress up (aka - makeup) I practically stopped wearing (as much of) it since I arrived. I loved having Katie to dress up for. I realized how much Japanese I have actually learned and how beautiful this country is that I live in.

I also learned a hard (but good) lesson. I am a very prideful person. Of course this is something that prideful people don't like to admit, but there it is. It has been a tid difficult adjusting to living in a foreign country on my own, having to struggle to survive and really put myself out of my comfort zone. Because of this, I have learned to puff up quite a bit around people who are English speakers (my friends here and my visitors from the states) because I expect them to share common ground. However, they are not mind readers, they are just people like everyone else. I just have a larger vocabulary to express myself with them and those are choices I am going to have to reintroduce myself to. It feels invigorating to have discovered this about myself.

After having them for only a week I feel completely refreshed. I feel like I have been injected with a dose of Kyla and can now rock the socks off of Japan for the remaining 4 months.

Now, to talk about something other than myself....yes, its possible. A quick list of the things we ventured in J-pan.

1. Friday night , they arrive. I make them Takoyaki and they sleep.

2. Saturday - slept (all day) went to the conbini, Acoop and Comiri then dinner at my favorite restaurant Nishian, with Mary and Talon.

3. Sunday - slept all day.

4. Monday - went to Kyoto. We saw the golden palace (Kinkakuji) and then toured through Arashiyama to see the monkey park. After quite a hike we made it to the top and played with the monkeys. We even ran into my friend Tina and her 2 visitors. Arashiyama was gorgeous, it was the perfect day to site see. We finished it off with a trip to Sanjo. We took an hour break to grab coffee at Starbucks and relax and then we hit the Sanjo market by storm. Mom bought us our keitai dangles (cell phone charms) our change purses etc. and I bought black knee highs and the hottest heels I've bought to date! We took fashion shots and then headed home at 9:00. A long but fierce day!

5. Tuesday - sleep in the morning...visit my school to see the teachers off. School tour then dinner at Satokos! We met Garrett, Ryan's friend from New York, ate and drank until midnight and then went home before we turned into pumpkins.

6. Wednesday - this day was a bum rush! We went to the Heiwado after a sinful lunch at McDonald's. At the Heiwado we took the dollar store by storm and I challenged mom to a Taiko drum off (video game) in the arcade. Then we got our pics taken in the photo booths which were crazy but adorable. It was a 15 minute walk to the station in the rain! eeks. We rushed to the station and then to Shinasahi to meet my friends at Chama only to find it was closed! I also got into a fight with mom because...she kept asking the same question over and over and over and over again. I wasn't the nicest about resolving it, though I said the right words my tone was a mess (deliberately - not very nice). I hurt her feelings, she hurt mine by ignoring me it was a beautifully choreographed mess! Which drug into our visiting my Japanese friends Iho and Asami. woops...but it was nice. I also made the unfortunate mistake and planning a friendly card game with all my ALT friends that night and so we rushed through our coffee and cake to go home and clean. Only Kenji showed up and mom sulked until he left. Then we exposed our feelings about our situation earlier and made amends. I am too stubborn though and as soon as I was breaking down, I walled back up. I have some issues. But we worked it out and chilled out for the rest of the night. I think Mary Poppins was in the Que.

7. Thursday - We went to Gion to see the Geisha (Maiko) dance! It was amazing. We met up with Garrett and Ryan and hit up Mister Donuts and Starbucks on our way out. The show was amazing. Quintessential Japan right before my very eyes shared with my mom and my sister and my hip which had fallen asleep from sitting on the floor the whole time. Quintessential! Then we were suppose to hit up Kiyomizudera but were having such an enjoyable time with the guys we kept on with them up to see the Silver palace. We didn't quite make it in time but the weather was nice and we walked down the philosophers path until we could walk no more. Mom's knee was killing her and my foot was starting to do the same. We grabbed a bus over to Kiyomizudera to see it lit up at night and it was quite spectacular! After a days worth of walking (in flip flops) we grabbed the train home...A 40 oz. Asahi and waffles in hand. Katie, Mom and I lip synced and danced the whole way home. Scandalous! We all slept very well.

8. Friday. Katie and I got into a fight about deodorant. A big fight. But it was all resolved in a hallmark fashion and then we made our way to Chama for lunch. Chama was great. Katie and I had the lunch (grilled chicken w/salad and waffles) and mom had the caramel banana waffles! We talked and talked about life and everything in between. It was great. We strolled through the Chama clothing store on our way out. That evening we cleaned up. Mom and Katie packed while I watched America's Next Top Model. Then we got gussied up and made our way to Imazu for some good ole fashion Karaoke fun! A night full of singing was the perfect end to our trip. Kenji, Mary, Talon, Fionna, Ryan, Garrett, Katie, Mom and I were all in attendance and our songs were some of the best set list I've heard. We arrived at 8:30 and left at 10:35pm, another early night for car-less people. We made a break for the train station but JUST missed it. A first for me. So Kenji, Fionna and our group crammed into a taxi and taxi'd home. At that point we had pretty much used every mode of transportation (minus my bike). Bus, train, taxi, car, walk, ran. It was the full gambet.

9. Saturday : Clean, cram and go! I woke up feeling like shit. My throat was disgustingly cloggy and scratchy but I had to get my family to the airport. There were 6 bags - for 2 people. Thank goodness I was there to help carry the load. We dredged our way to the train station and pulled the bags ourselves up the stairs. I had a nice man help with the largest one. I understood when he asked in Japanese, "what's in here?!?" I told him a body. He laughed and said, "boyfriend?" I said, "old boyfriend!". It was great. At this point we were all broke as a joke. Which is how it should be. I didn't have money to go to the airport ($80 just to go there and back - I don't think so) so I rode the train to Kyoto and dropped them off at their transfer train. It felt like the week had just flown by. We embraced as long as we could. Katie's last words, "come to my house first! I have grass!" and then the doors shut. We waved until the train took off and then I was alone again.

I suppose its just because they were family but I could have had them stay for much longer. It was extremely nice to have other people living in my home and having Katie to fall asleep next to every night (even though she hogged the blankets and breathed on me most of the time) I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I know I can get through these next 4 months. They are baby months that will fly by and then I will be home. eeekkkk. What to do?!? Adventure! It might not be a year in Japan but whatever comes next I know I will have my family close at hand, to always remind me who I am. (rhyme?)

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Awe sweet Engrish.

Torture




...all day I dream about : Deep fried Mochi and cheese.




DAMN YOU MARY MAGRANE!

Last day of School, lets clean!

Well, yesterday was the last day of school. March 24th. Yes, March. That is new to me. So they have spring break and then start the new year. I guess in a way that makes perfect sense. When they have spring break all the club activities have practice and games (which is like the states except EVERY student is involved in a club activity).
At 9:00 we had our closing ceremony which was ... in Japanese so F if I knew what was being said. Assemblies always sound fun to me. But then I get there and realize I have no idea, nor will I ever, know what they are saying. Although some words started to pop out in my brain which was good but I can hardly deduce what the message is from "walk to school" and "sometimes". Right?

Also, for one hour I got to stand there. That's what the assembly was for me. An exercise to stand still for 1 hour. After about 3o minutes I realized I was fidgeting to the point of annoyance - to myself. It was getting ridiculous. Then I remembered that there are British Soldiers that don't move ALL DAY. And I thought it's possible. So I was channeling my inner British Soldier and trying to convince myself that my legs were actually made to support my body weight. It worked for about 10 minutes. Then I sat down (well, Japanese style with my legs folded underneath me). There were 3 other teachers sitting so I thought it would be ok.

side note : you never want to be the first person to do something in this country...there is this strange feeling in the air that prevents you from just doing what you want.... very strange but very true.

Okay so I was going to try to sit like that for 5 minutes but the assembly ended 2 minutes in. (Of course - right as soon as my will power crumbled it was over).

The assembly ended at 9:45 and back to the office we went. We ate Bento and watched Japan kill Korea in baseball and then it was time to clean. These people don't mess around. School is out...cleaning time.

My job was to clean the women's locker room. We opened the windows so that our body temperatures dropped to their usual Shiga temperature of 87 degrees and began to wipe everything down with...water. Yup...just water. Everything is wiped down with water. Even the mirrors...just water. The sinks had a special cleaner but everything else, floors, lockers, window...a quick wipe with water. Fine.



When the locker room was finished I moved upstairs to the extra storage room filled with globes. It also housed several of the giant pull screen maps etc that schools used to use back when I was in elementary school. Those of course have all been replaced with projectors and computers. I wanted to take them home and hang them as wall hangings. I digress... more water to wipe everything down. Finished.
It was 3:00 and I was done with my chores. I walked back to the office and noticed 2 of the teachers on the ground cutting up umbrellas. 'HUH' I thought. You don't see that everyday. They had several umbrellas next to them, all on the chopping block as I assumed so what could I do...Walk to my desk, grab my scissors and get ready to do some cutting.

In Japan, they recycle EVERYTHING. It is quite ingenious. As I sat there cutting the fabric away from the metal so it could go into the burnable pile, I thought...what do we do to get rid of old umbrellas? Throw the WHOLE thing away? Give it to the goodwill? And then it occurred to me how much we don't recycle and how much goes into a landfill and it was sickening. After about 5 umbrellas we had 2 more teachers helping and even some students who had dropped by. So naturally, not knowing how to speak Japanese, my only real means of interaction is in a little friendly competition. So I suggested a RACE. Immediately I was not confident in my cutting skills but I thought, what the hell it will be fun! And so we raced. I took second the first time and then was minutes off the second. But it was fun and I got to interact with teachers who I don't usually get the opportunity to. It was a good day.

Before I headed home, my Vice Principle stopped me at the door and offered me a piece of cake. A piece of cake that everyone would be eating at 4:00 when my day was done. I thought it was extremely nice of him and I could tell that he was appreciative of all my help. It felt good to be a part of the school. Even if it was the last day (of this school year).

Sunday, March 22, 2009

daily deduction/reduction/deduciment/humiliation/life lesson.

It's really not funny anymore. Its just frustrating. Ok, so, maybe it is a little funny. Today I was quite proud of myself for not asking how to "eat" my school lunch. When they serve a shallow bowl full of rice, its typically for some sort of curry or indicates a sauce will be poured on. The sauce or curry is usually in the actual bowl next to the shallow bowl of rice. So, I grab this bowl full of soup looking egg and tofu and pour merrily atop my rice. I don't even look around to see if anyone else is eating it this way. I have learned over the last 7 months that some people like it separate, some people put the rice in the bowl or vice versa, I have committed to eating it poured over the rice in the shallow bowl. I am pleased with my new found confidence. My confidence quickly escapes when I look over and my supervisor has scraped the meat and veggies from our plate onto the rice and has left the "soup" (and that it was) in the soup bowl.

What is worse: The ignorant pride of pouring my soup over my rice or that fact that my supervisor didn't even lean over the 12" she sits next to me and say, "oh, this is how we do it"?

No one says anything in this country. Its almost worse that they let it slide. It feels like unnecessary shame. Please, please, please tell me when I have just poured soup over the rice so we can laugh about this together. Otherwise it feels so embarrassing with a twinge of stupidity and shame.

As soon as I noticed the appropriate food preparations, I scraped the meat and veggies over the soup on top of the rice and thought, "fuck it. I like it with the soup. It all goes to the same place anyway." That was the best I could do to convince myself not to let my emotional disappointment seethe out. I finished my lunch and the day goes on.

But I know that they know that I didn't know and who knows if they know that I know now?

And yes, it matters.

Humility. Ouch.

while looking into someone's eyes

You have to have the balls and then you have to say it, while looking into someones eyes.  You have to bare your soul to make it the truth and God willing let it be the truth.  This is the basis of our human existance.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Daily Office Shananagins

Our office lady was talking on the phone, making a succession of short moaning noises (which in actuality are short conversational acknowledgements to whomever she is speaking to). But, with my back to her, she sounds like a remake of the cafe scene of when Harry met Sally...and just when I begin to accept that it will not stop until the phone is placed back on its dock, someones cell phone ring tone begins to hum the Darth Vader anthem. And I smile.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Valentines 2009 - Gion with the Geisha

I see you!
Yes...paparazzi!  There were 3 taxis full of these Geisha (or they are called Maiko if they are not full Geisha).  Forgot my camera was on zoom from the last sighting...
The first Geisha we spotted.  Apparently they DO NOT like you to take their picture.  Woops!

Dinner!  Pizza...with real cheese.  Mine is a mushroom pizza....with Japanese mushrooms.
Me and Fionna...ready to chase the Geisha.  (Happy Birthday Kara)

Sunday, February 15, 2009

My back aches, My belts too tight....

OK, so I know I did it to myself. I should have thrown those shoes away before I came to Japan, but they are ssssoooooooooooo cute, I could not bare to part. They have been with me through thick and thin (which is what the heel of these pathetic shoes have become). But I wore them anyway because they are red and it was Valentines day! Had I known I would be walking the greater part of Kyoto in 4 hours I would have reconsidered. Alas, Valentines day was spent with my great friend Fionna, eating Italian food, drinking wine, chasing Geisha and walking along the river back to Kyoto station (the scenic route). It was the best way to spend Valentines day in Japan.

However, I knew I had walked too much about 3 hours in. But I just kept going. I suppose you could say I was just swept up. Plus there was no time to slow down, we stayed out quite late and didn't want to miss the last train.

The next day I had to go to Kyoto to meet up with a new pal to conspire with about my pillows. I knew my body would be a little cranky but I had plans.

About 1 hour into my visit I noticed some pain in my left foot. The same foot that I fractured (twice) about 10 years ago. (Side note : holy shit it was 10 years ago?!) I ignored it. I kept walking. More pain. Kept walking. I felt bad we had both paid quite a bit of money to meet up and we had planned it for over a month. More pain. Ok....maybe walking is not such a good idea. I figured this out when I was about a mile from the train station on the 6th floor of some mall looking at $70 Marimmeko fabrics. I needed to get home and OFF my foot. My new friend decided to hang back and enjoy more of Kyoto and the gloriously warm day it had become. So I hobbled hitori de (by myself) back to the subway station which would eventually get me to the train station which would eventually get me home.

Searing pains were stabbing through the left side of my foot all the way up behind my ankle. Fuck. That was pretty much all I could think. And yes, I am a bit dramatic but WTF my foot was not suppose to feel like that. I called my supervisor who explained to me that the emergency hospital might not have doctors who know how to use xray machines or know anything about bones (I know what you are thinking...and I thought the same thing..."are you fucking kidding me?") and that my next option was to go to the special "bones and muscles" clinic in the morning. Until then ice and elevate.

Fuming. Beyond being in pain, I hate it when my crisis plans fall through. I was reduced to hymning and hawing alone in my apartment with a bum foot until the next day I could hobble to school and have someone look at it. Which I did - and ouch ouch ouch the whole way there. My supervisor had six classes today so she had no time for me. Which was fine because our school nurse did and was more than happy to help. I just wanted an xray. Tell me if it is broken because it feels like something is pinching.

The doctor touches my foot which doesn't hurt. He gives me a look and I suddenly feel like I'm 8 years old faking a sprained ankle in the emergency room. Except this really hurts. He talks to me (in Japanese of course) and then when its my turn to acknowledge him understandingly I give him my customary raised eye brow smile, make a noise like "uh...." and shake my head. So he then repeats himself to the nurse who takes her turn talking to me in Japanese. Great.

His diagnosis in english verbetum to me : "no worry fracture" and "weather". My foot was then taped with 2 wraps of tape (quite precisely and meticulously -thank you Mr. nurse) and then I was sent to get my meds. Later it was explained to me my broken foot is simply caused by the weather of this time of year and all I need are some nice pain meds to heal me. The tape will come off and stay off by tonight and the meds will take it from there.....rrriiiigggghhhhtt.

So long story short. My foot hurts like a bitch and I have the weather to thank.

What a wonderful world.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

pleasant dreams.

Tonight, I am going to fall asleep dreaming of me drinking a cold corona, watching a movie in bed while my two cats are sleeping next to me. 

Friday, January 23, 2009

Death told

What would the world be like if everyone knew when they were going to die?  If intrinsically people were born knowing how much time they had on this earth.  They still wouldn't know where they go aftewards but they knew the exact that they would die?

I guess that would take out the idea of accidents, right?  And...maybe it would take away the need to 'live life to it's fullest' everyday or to treat every day like it was your last.  Would people be less motivated to live?  What would be people's priorities?  Would it change the way that we interact with our families?  Would be seperate from them or stay with them...what influence would they be in our lives if we were only given a certain amount of time to explore this life?  Would we feel more like our lives were individual or would we feel the need to find a commonality among us?

I think this would make an interesting story......

thoughts for the day.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Chapter 8 : The boyfriend for reals

Chapter 1 : The going away party
Chapter 2 : The coincidence
Chapter 3 : The bonsai tree
Chapter 4 : The head set
Chapter 5 : The trip to Hawaii
Chapter 6 : The ticket to Japan
Chapter 7 : The waiting



Chapter 8 : The Boyfriend...for reals

There was 3 months of skyping.  And then he arrived.  The anticipation was unnerving and I had no idea what to expect.  I had a similar experience before, dating someone from afar who arrived only to have me slam the door in his face.  So you can understand the apprehension both of us were up against.  However, there was something special about him.  Something special about us.   I took the 2.5 hour train to Osaka to pick him up from the airport.  I choked back about a million what ifs and settled on the excitement of a visitor from Portland, home, the mother ship, to come and rescue me from this alien nation.  Whatever would come from this visit I would have that.  I had about an hour to kill before he would walk into my world so I did what any normal lady in waiting would do, I grabbed a double cheeseburger and fry from McDonald's and a vanilla latte from Starbucks.  I ate quietly by myself, then headed for the gate to grab a seat and wait.  And wait.  And wait.  God that caffeine was kicking in.  I should have gotten one for him because I didn't know if we would have enough time to get him some before the train returning home would come and HE would be the one that needed the coffee.  But oh well...he would drink my coffee if he really needed it because he wasn't particular (like I am) about anything trivial like coffee.  Oh, what a treat he was in for.

The light had stopped blinking on the "arrival" board which meant his plane had landed and was done unloading...any second he would walk through those automatic doors.  "My boyfriend"  would walk through the frosted glass sliding doors to meet me face to face for the first time at any moment.   'Is that my boyfriend?  No, some uber rock guy who came to tour in Japan...that's not my boyfriend.....Another white guy pushing a cart full of bags...not my boyfriend....is that my boyfriend?  That's not my boyfriend....that's not my boyfriend....oh wait there is 2 sides to this entry?....did I miss him?' I walked over to be in the middle and watched the sliding doors like a tennis match......and then.....there he was.  OMG....the first thought was going to clench the next 10 days.......I liked what I saw!  That is my boyfriend ;)  His smile was plastered and I clapped and jumped up and down a little as we walked towards each other.   Thank God that was the beginning.  We embraced as if we had actually been in each other's presence for 3 months but everything was new and foreign.  His skin, his hair and his smell were all new.  Kiss?  Not yet.  Just let it all sink in.  We looked at each other hastily not wanting to give away our shock or excitement too much or to question in our glance when we should kiss.  Grab bags, get to escalator.  "Hi." Eyes met. The escalator ride was dedicated to grasping the reality of each other's physical presence and making sure that it was an actual possibility to share time and space...for reals.

Of course it felt like everything was happening in fast forward.   The escalator moved at rapid pace...we muttered several words of short banter, lost in our own thoughts.  We got to the top of the escalator and juggled his luggage pulling it to the side and out of the way so he could bundle up in the unexpected coldness of Japan and to embrace once more.  'This is real...he is real, this is real...."my boyfriend?"  yes....ok....ok'.  I could feel a potential kiss moment so I moved quickly to grab his bag and get us moving.  I was not ready for a kiss.  A kiss can move worlds, sign contracts, destroy planets, shit like that....a kiss in fast forward could have catastrophic effects.  A pause for space between us, he exchanged money to yen and I flexed my Japanese a little bit by buying our train tickets just a room away....the walk to and from the money exchange was just enough to strut a bit, to flirt, to gauge each other and to declare independence.  And yes, I actually thought about all this shit when it was happening.  Doesn't everyone?

Before I could think, we were on the Haruka train from Osaka heading to Kyoto to then catch the last train to Shin-asahi, home.  Hand in hand.  Photos of this event ensued by him of course which was thought brilliant by me.  We were going to have a great time. 

 


Chapter 9 : The curtains open
Chapter 10 : The harvested clam
Chapter 11 : The chapstick
Chapter 12 : The Japanese culture
Chapter 13 : The card game
Chapter 14 : The day alone
Chapter 15 : The surprise
Chapter 16 : The old city
Chapter 17 : The Tom Collins
Chapter 18 : The Tuna sandwich

Snow, Snow, S-NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!


Thank goodness it doesn't "really" start snowing until February!  I was worried I was going to have to walk to school in that.