Falling sleep at Grandma's.

Last night I couldn't sleep. I couldn't figure out why, it may have had something to do with the frogs thriving in every rice field for miles or the fact I just sat on my "couch" and watched Sex and the City all day. Either way, I didn't want my coworkers telling me I looked tired for the third day in a row so I was in bed by 10:38, eyes closed.

I began to slow my breathing and on every exhale I would think, relax. This works, I'm told. So about 10 relaxes later I started to count down from 10. This started working until I realized I was concentrating too much and then my mind went into a flurry of other thoughts. 'Reel em in, Kyla,' is what I told myself and started to count backwards from 10 again, determined to fall into a deep, restful, no puffy eyes tomorrow, sleep. I remembered the tapes my mom used to put in for my sisters and I that would talk us into sleep. (I need to find those tapes.) A man would talk to us about relaxing and being on a cloud and all that. And it worked every time. So I tried to imagine his voice and then thought, since I am so far away I would channel some family member's voice. Of course, I thought of my Grandma Alice. But, when I "pushed the play button" the tape stopped. I had to recollect my memories of her voice. I was jarred to say the least and I heaved the memory of her voice back into my brain with all my strength and finally after flipping through afternoons at her house in her kitchen, her voice returned and so did she.

She said to me, "So you want me to count down from 10 huh?" With all her sass. "Yes please." "Alright, but you better fall asleep I'm only going to do it once." She told me. "Alright," I smiled. Her voice was soothing though her tone was impatient. She would never let on that she was actually enjoying herself. When she got to 5, as before, my mind started to drift into other memories, but her voice caught me when she said, "listen, I'm not going to count if you're not going to pay attention. Now close your eyes and listen."

I realize that all her words were my words in my mind. But it was her voice that played and I was happy to be in its presence. Soon she got to 1 and of course I wasn't asleep. But she didn't mind. She said she'd count one more time, but this time was it. And as she counted me to sleep I remembered all the nights I would run over to her house, mad at my mother, or just worried that my Grandma was lonely, and curl up under the covers in her King size bed to sleep. She would be awake until 2:00 or 3:00 reading her love stories anyway. I would say hello and that I was sleeping there and that was it. She would keep on reading. Sometimes she would extend her arm to rub my back for a second. Sometimes I would extend my arms and tuck it under her hip just so I could be touching her. "You're alright kid." she would say without looking away from her book. I remembered in the morning, rubbing 'the blue stuff' on her back and shoulders, her skin soft over her robust body.

She was the best woman I've ever met. Her tone was her trademark. She was always ready to help but she would never suggest it was her pleasure to serve. She would visit an elderly woman who lived alone down the street and buy the eggs the woman was selling there to help her out. Eventually she would run errands for the woman, bringing her groceries, picking up prescriptions. My Grandma enjoyed the simple things like feeding "her" birds and the other animals who lived around her property. And she was always stylish when making public appearances. Her hair was did and her large, extravagant cars would sail down the highways. Nothing but the best for her. She believed in hard work and family.

In Japan, they honor their relatives who have past away on a regular basis. They celebrate the anniversary of their deaths together as a family and pray in front of an alter to them, some daily. We drink Margaritas for Grandma Alice on her birthday, but it has been too long since we've all been able to get together and remember her. The last time my Mom and sisters did this was the first year after her death. It has been almost 4 years now. Wow. But last night we visited. And eventually after dilly dallying through memories and holding her voice at the forefront my mind through conversations with my grandma, I fell asleep, and she was there.