one for me.

I have turned a corner, or have made it around the bend, one or the other.  I now know that I sometimes avoid accountability in my life by "going with the flow".   Some would say that's just a way of living, but I know from my previous life (somewhere before college and ex boyfriends) that I am capable of so much more when I pull my head out of the sand and push forward with the things I truly want in life.

1.  I want to be an interior designer and I will do what I need to, to get that job.  THAT job.  

I can have it.  It is waiting for me...so is my furniture.

2.  I want financial security and am ready to start .....budgeting (yay) again.  Wouldn't that be a treat to have money in the bank?  I am letting go of my ideas that I need new clothes whenever I find some and I am letting go of the idea that if I budget or plan on what to spend my money on then I will miss out on the unplanned bits of life...letting go of the idea of missing out in general.  (please refer to my theory : the way you do one thing in life is the way you do everything)

3.  Instead of giving myself a stomach ulcer from worry I will devote my energy to the positive outcomes that I desire and let go of all the other unnecessary bullshit.

4.  I have finally figured out how I want my portfolio to look!  and suddenly I feel like myself.

5.  I am going to let go of my ideas that I need to throw money at my problems rather than taking the time to solve them or better yet prevent ;)  example : housing, grocery shopping, vacations, entertainment, transportation, train tickets, everything.

6. Oh, and when designing things - what I design is original, a Kyla original.  It doesn't have to be contrived to be an original it can just be newly inspired and refreshed.  Everyone is looking for rebirth.  That's why we go to sleep every night.

This is not why I started writing tonight but this is what came out.  And how did I discover all these wonderful things about myself you may be wondering?  It did not all come from just one single event, but in the fun things I get to do with my life here in Japan :

While eating chicken katsudon for breakfast at a small restaurant in Imazu outside of Pule's apartment...post a night of Shaun of the Dead and 28 weeks later talking to Dale (who we call Dirty D) about what life in America is going to be like when we return - or what this life has to offer outside the box.  

Also, watching 5 adults help each other put zombie make up on and making fake wounds with gelatin and fake blood while the other 3 zombies are practicing the thriller routine in Mary and Talon's tatami room.  

I had a glimmering moment of awareness riding on the train by myself while an old man who I named "gummy" stared at me over the top of the train seat.  I also have these revelations while cleaning my kitchen and looking at the garbage I still don't know how to "recycle".  They recycle EVERYTHING here.  It's not just getting the right things on the right days but how to prepare it for recycling, sheesh.  

I think about all of these things when I ride my bike to school in the morning - passing the people who work at the bank sweeping the leaves off the sidewalk and out of the street every morning.  And when I sit with my back to a room full of about 25 Japanese coworkers who are scurrying about while I am sitting quietly observing how all the windows are open and there are more than a few bugs that are trying to escape but can't find the opening in the wall.

Don't quote me but, the world works in mysterious ways.