pleasant dreams.

Tonight, I am going to fall asleep dreaming of me drinking a cold corona, watching a movie in bed while my two cats are sleeping next to me. 

Death told

What would the world be like if everyone knew when they were going to die?  If intrinsically people were born knowing how much time they had on this earth.  They still wouldn't know where they go aftewards but they knew the exact that they would die?

I guess that would take out the idea of accidents, right?  And...maybe it would take away the need to 'live life to it's fullest' everyday or to treat every day like it was your last.  Would people be less motivated to live?  What would be people's priorities?  Would it change the way that we interact with our families?  Would be seperate from them or stay with them...what influence would they be in our lives if we were only given a certain amount of time to explore this life?  Would we feel more like our lives were individual or would we feel the need to find a commonality among us?

I think this would make an interesting story......

thoughts for the day.

Chapter 8 : The boyfriend for reals

Chapter 1 : The going away party

Chapter 2 : The coincidence

Chapter 3 : The bonsai tree

Chapter 4 : The head set

Chapter 5 : The trip to Hawaii

Chapter 6 : The ticket to Japan

Chapter 7 : The waiting

Chapter 8 : The Boyfriend...for reals

There was 3 months of skyping.  And then he arrived.  The anticipation was unnerving and I had no idea what to expect.  I had a similar experience before, dating someone from afar who arrived only to have me slam the door in his face.  So you can understand the apprehension both of us were up against.  However, there was something special about him.  Something special about us.   I took the 2.5 hour train to Osaka to pick him up from the airport.  I choked back about a million what ifs and settled on the excitement of a visitor from Portland, home, the mother ship, to come and rescue me from this alien nation.  Whatever would come from this visit I would have that.  I had about an hour to kill before he would walk into my world so I did what any normal lady in waiting would do, I grabbed a double cheeseburger and fry from McDonald's and a vanilla latte from Starbucks.  I ate quietly by myself, then headed for the gate to grab a seat and wait.  And wait.  And wait.  God that caffeine was kicking in.  I should have gotten one for him because I didn't know if we would have enough time to get him some before the train returning home would come and HE would be the one that needed the coffee.  But oh well...he would drink my coffee if he really needed it because he wasn't particular (like I am) about anything trivial like coffee.  Oh, what a treat he was in for.

The light had stopped blinking on the "arrival" board which meant his plane had landed and was done unloading...any second he would walk through those automatic doors.  "My boyfriend"  would walk through the frosted glass sliding doors to meet me face to face for the first time at any moment.   'Is that my boyfriend?  No, some uber rock guy who came to tour in Japan...that's not my boyfriend.....Another white guy pushing a cart full of bags...not my boyfriend....is that my boyfriend?  That's not my boyfriend....that's not my boyfriend....oh wait there is 2 sides to this entry?....did I miss him?' I walked over to be in the middle and watched the sliding doors like a tennis match......and then.....there he was.  OMG....the first thought was going to clench the next 10 days.......I liked what I saw!  That is my boyfriend ;)  His smile was plastered and I clapped and jumped up and down a little as we walked towards each other.   Thank God that was the beginning.  We embraced as if we had actually been in each other's presence for 3 months but everything was new and foreign.  His skin, his hair and his smell were all new.  Kiss?  Not yet.  Just let it all sink in.  We looked at each other hastily not wanting to give away our shock or excitement too much or to question in our glance when we should kiss.  Grab bags, get to escalator.  "Hi." Eyes met. The escalator ride was dedicated to grasping the reality of each other's physical presence and making sure that it was an actual possibility to share time and space...for reals.

Of course it felt like everything was happening in fast forward.   The escalator moved at rapid pace...we muttered several words of short banter, lost in our own thoughts.  We got to the top of the escalator and juggled his luggage pulling it to the side and out of the way so he could bundle up in the unexpected coldness of Japan and to embrace once more.  'This is real...he is real, this is real...."my boyfriend?"  yes....ok....ok'.  I could feel a potential kiss moment so I moved quickly to grab his bag and get us moving.  I was not ready for a kiss.  A kiss can move worlds, sign contracts, destroy planets, shit like that....a kiss in fast forward could have catastrophic effects.  A pause for space between us, he exchanged money to yen and I flexed my Japanese a little bit by buying our train tickets just a room away....the walk to and from the money exchange was just enough to strut a bit, to flirt, to gauge each other and to declare independence.  And yes, I actually thought about all this shit when it was happening.  Doesn't everyone?

Before I could think, we were on the Haruka train from Osaka heading to Kyoto to then catch the last train to Shin-asahi, home.  Hand in hand.  Photos of this event ensued by him of course which was thought brilliant by me.  We were going to have a great time. 

 

Chapter 9 : The curtains open

Chapter 10 : The harvested clam

Chapter 11 : The chapstick

Chapter 12 : The Japanese culture

Chapter 13 : The card game

Chapter 14 : The day alone

Chapter 15 : The surprise

Chapter 16 : The old city

Chapter 17 : The Tom Collins

Chapter 18 : The Tuna sandwich

Snow, Snow, S-NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Thank goodness it doesn't "really" start snowing until February!  I was worried I was going to have to walk to school in that.

Top 10 from Japan in 2008

After 4 months I understand, that I do not know everything about Japanese culture, but there are a few things I have learned :

1. Culture is a machine that takes all of its components to work.
2. Language is more than words, context is everything and context is apart of culture.
3. Toilet seat warmers are the way to go
4. Listening is key
5. Anything is possible
6. Doing that which scares me the most directly contributes to my personal growth and happiness.
7. There are many ways to skin a cat
8. There is a time and a place if you make one
9. If it looks like chicken skin on a stick and it takes like chicken skin on a stick, it’s chicken skin on a stick.
10. Life doesn’t stop when you move to a foreign country (maybe just as you know it)

Somebody got a special package in the mail

Heyyo!!!  Yay me Yay me!!  I got a care package today from the loveliest woman alive, M(r)s. Katie Stover!!!  What a treat!  This package not only included flossers for which I have been desperately waiting for but a variety of other thoughtful gifts.  

1. Reese's peanut butter cups

2. "Signed" photograph of one sexy model, none other than Hugh Dancy himself (Katie you treat me so good)

3. The MOST hilarious comic strip of Dilbert yet.  I cannot wait to get back into corporate America.  

4. A gorgeous post card that is now sitting on my entryway shoe holder below the poster of my two leading ladies, Alice and Josie.

5. A movie to tide me over (my internets is slow...WTF and I can't watch thing at normal pace...aaannnoooying)  Good choice to Katie.  Wit.  A scholar who gets cancer and realizes that life is about kindness and not the pursuit of knowledge....hmmmmm.....I don't know what to think thousands of miles away from my family during the holidays while I'm on my own personal quest for internationalization and personal growth.....but thanks.  I only cried for about 30 minutes into after I watched it.....alone.

I am soooooooooooo grateful for the thoughtful gifts.  Its fun to get stuff in the mail especially when I know it has been in the hands of someone I should be drinking a vat of wine with right now.   My tidal wave of culture shock has moved down the road for now.  I am settled again and happy to be alive.  

I ventured out to buy some cheap food and put together my own udon dish, I spoke quite a bit of Japanese with a teacher at school and sang White Christmas with one of my classes.  My whole plan to Vietnam and Cambodia is planned and booked.  Wait for it!  I am.  

Katie - you are amazing and I couldn't have begged for a better older sister.  (so thanks to my parents too.)

a little bit like the sky is falling

I know I haven't checked in for sometime now, and everything I have posted lately has been about some ridiculous dreams that have not a whole lot to do with the day to day in Japan. But the tide has turned and life is different. I am different, noticeably, to myself especially. I am at the bottom of the barrel for high spirits these days. Seems like all I want to do is wallow and I don't even have a good reason, except for the fact that I just can't have it my way when I want it all the time I suppose. I'm in Japan and I want to be here, maybe more if Japan had a Stumptown and a Mcmennamins, though I would NEVER suggest it because then it wouldn't be Japan. They also speak a different language here, in case you wouldn't have guessed and though I have nothing against it, I find myself a little depressed about it. I am apathetically tired of not being able to read things or know what they mean. I suppose this is the low point of culture shock. I've been warned.

Fortunately I have some pretty amazing people in my life right now helping hold me together from afar. Which that in itself almost makes living here, away from them, intolerable. Having said all this - I need to say, I wouldn't change coming here for the world. I love living here it is amazing. I just think there are some things we don't have control over...the feelings that wash over us sometimes. Right now I'm in it, whatever it is - maybe it's growing pains. Whatever it is, I know that I will come out of it happier, more self assured, satisfied and more knowledgeable about myself. At this point, I know myself well enough to also know that this probably won't be the last time I am at a lull but at least I know to just enjoy it...because today is a gift. I feel myself wanting to drift into the darker side of life but I won't allow myself. I will however allow myself to lament about the fact that its cold, they don't use heaters in school, my pockets are stuffed with those heat pockets you have to shake them to get warm, it always seems to rain on the days I DON'T have my umbrella or rain boots, I am broke, I am going to Vietnam without solid plans and hate the idea that I have already spent money before I have actually done anything - airplane tickets just hanging out waiting to confirm validation. I have a test due this week for a Japanese course I have been avoiding and now I have to CRAM to get it in which I don't want to do but for some reason I have to because I started it (paid for it). Um....what else, oh ya....Christmas is coming and though I feel fine about not being at home I miss it terribly and seeing my sister's Christmas tree up and in full effect with her children around the kitchen table makes my heart ache. Oh the pain, sweet suffering....let it be my choice and dear god let it be not in vain.

that would be a great sentence for me to stop at, and ponder and let you all ponder as well but we already know the answer. Of course it's not. So I'll end with a few things that sometimes help me get through the day :

1. Let it be
2. Aint nothing gonna break my stride, aint nothing gonna hold me down, oh no, I've got to keep on moving.
3. Que Cera Cera, whatever will be will be, the future's not ours to see, que cera cera.